FSL

With the coming of the fall season, many guys out there are gearing up for the Fantasy Football draft and beginning of football season. This leaves all the females out there feeling a bit left out and since gender equality has always been our primary concern (and I have never even heard of a girl playing Fantasy Football), we decided to solve that problem by creating an entirely new and unique fantasy league dedicated solely to the interests of females everywhere. We give you... Fantasy Sorority League.

As with your typical Sorority, the "Draft" (i.e. Rush) is the key event of the year. Each girl's Fantasy Chapter lives and dies on the strength of her yearly Draft. Here are the rules for the Draft:

- Each team gets to pick 3 girls from each Sorority - (3 zetas, 3 phi mu's, 3 chi o's, 3 adpi's, 3 aopi's)- giving each Fantasy Chapter 15 "Rushees"

- The draft order is chosen at random and reverses in each round (the last pick in Round 1 picks first in Round 2)

- Picks can be traded based at the discretion of each Chapter President

- Final Rule (and this is what allows girls to accel at this game) - your choices are based on nothing more than a 3in x 2in headshot of each girl given to you right before the draft. That's all you have to go on...any conclusion about a girl's personality, talent, or future contribution to the world must be judged from this picture alone. Easy, huh?

Once the 'Teams' have been chosen, the season begins. Unlike Fantasy Football where there is a game each week, Fantasy Sorority League keeps a running score throughout the year with one winner awarded at the end. "How can you keep score?" you might ask...well we would be glad to tell you.

Scoring:

Phase 1

Once the draft has been completed (based only on looks), a girl's initial 'score' is then calculated using the following criteria:

- Tanning =
1-4 points, depending on shade

- Number of Facebook Friends =
1 point per 100 friends

- Family Wealth =
5 points if your dad has a plane (per plane)
3 points for each Vacation Home
3 points if either parent is on Samford's Board
2 points for having a European/Luxury Car (BMW, Mercedes, Audi, Lexus, Land Rover, etc)
-10 if on Need-Based scholarship

- Homecoming Performance =
3 points for each Homecoming Court Representative
10 points for each Homecoming Crown (double points if also dating the
Homecoming King at that time)

- GPA =
4 points for 3.75-4.0
3 points for 3.5-3.74
2 points for 3.25-3.49
-2 points for +4.0 (you will have to work on those priorities if you are going
to be an asset to your sorority)

- Involvement =
-3 points for each former Marching Band member
-4 points for each former Flag Corp member (sorry Laura Pearson, your
Homecoming points don't quite cancel out your Flag Corp deductions)
2 points for SGA involvement
0 points for Theater...this one is just too risky
1 point for Honors Society members (2 points if you held an office)
1 point for Powder Puff Football participation
1 point for Key Club (I don't even know what that is...)
3 points for members of FCA or FCS

- Dating History =
1 point for each Football/Basketball player dated (up to 4)
-2 points for each Band member dated
-2 points if dated more than six different guys

- Spirituality =
2 points for each Bible Study attended weekly (looking for quantity here, not
quality)
2 points if you are member of a Baptist Church
2 points for singing in Praise Band/Choir at Church
-2 if attended Catholic Mass (this is Samford...)

- Athletics =
2 points for Varsity Soccer team
2 points for Varsity Volleyball team
1 point for Varsity Track (nice legs get you one point)
0 points for Basketball
-1 point for Swim Team
-2 points for Softball
4 points for Varsity Cheerleaders*** (5 points if Captain of the 'Squad')

***Yes, we realize that Cheerleading is not - and never will be - a sport...however, we didn't know where else to include it. Plus, we are making that drive towards gender equality here at RightThenLeft.

'Teams' are then ranked by the base score which will change over the year using the following point system:

Phase 2

- Weight =
+/- 1 point for every 5 lbs lost/gained during the year

- Social =
1 point for every date with frat guy (2 points if upper-classman)
-1 point for every date with independent guy
2 points for Step Sing involvement...depending on quality of show (example...participants in the 2007 Chi-O show lose 3 points)
1 point for every 100 Facebook Friend Invites received
-3 for each intoxication
-4 if pictures of intoxication make it to Facebook
-2 for each Values Violation
1 point for each parking ticket

- Academics =
No points awarded for achievements in this area

- Clothing =
1 point for each pair of designer sunglasses (2 points if they cover more than 50% of face)
1 point if your handbag costs +$500
2 points for sweatpants with words on the butt
-2 points for exposed thong
3 points for real pearls (-1 point if fake)

- Spirituality =
2 points for Sorority Bible study regular attendance
5 points for UCF regular attendance
1 point for each Shiloh attendance
-2 points for Catholic Mass/Confession
-2 points for each Sunday service missed due to hangover

That's all...we are tired of thinking about this...we might add more later.

A few things that stand out to me regarding this scoring system...

- You might draft two girls with planes, but if you let a Need-Based Scholarship girl slip on to your team, you might as well fly commerical.
- No points are awarded for blonde hair because this is one attribute that is evident by looking at the small picture before the draft.
- Girls who pack on pounds before the draft can actually help their team out by losing it during the year.

Good luck to everyone out there as they prepare for their Draft. And remember, the key is looks...physical appearance is EVERYTHING.

- if you ask Jeremiah...this was written by Robby. and vice versa.

(hopefully this isn't as accurate as it might be...)