Mom makes me think... which is good.

My mom and I talk pretty much everyday. And she talks about EVERYTHING... all at one time... mixing it all up until I'm not really sure how we got on the subject we're on. It's pretty hilarious, and there have been plenty of times that I've just started laughing at how our conversations progress. Somehow, I'm usually able to keep up! Because of this we tend to hit lots of topics and cover a wide range of information, and there's days that I'm up for it and days that I'm not. Usually she can tell when it's not really time for one of these conversations, and she'll end things pretty quickly. However, God has an amazing way of showing her the times when she needs to dig stuff out of me. Today was one of those days.

Maybe she knows when to dig because of the fact that when things aren't quite right in my life or I'm thinking a lot about something I tend to get short with people. And my family gets the worst of it. Why is that? Why do the people we love most see the worst of us? I guess we just know they'll still love us when we're miserable. I usually realize at some point in the conversation that I'm being completely ridiculous and apologize for my behavior, but I wish I would just not do it! Oh well. Life is about learning and growing.

I think I get frustrated with people who try to help me when I'm going through a time of tough decisions or stresses because I've always wanted to handle things on my own. I don't want to talk about things until I've figured them all out. Stupid, I know! I don't know why I do it either because I always benefit from working through things with others and allowing them to help carry any burdens I may have. This is something I've been working through for a while, and I'm so thankful that Christ has revealed this flaw in me. Thank the Lord mom forced me to talk through things today, and though the subjects were all over the place and she definitely has the parental viewpoint on things while I come from a completely different line of thought, it was very helpful.

Main thing we discussed... realistic thinking.

I've never really been one to rush growing up. I feel that I've immensely enjoyed every phase of life and fight against the time when the phase must end. I wasn't that guy who desperately wanted to get out of high school or college to move on to bigger and better things. I savored every single day and tried to stretch it out as long as possible. And while I feel this method of living life is good in some ways, I realize that you must move on. It's very good to move on. Healthy and mature to take the step into the next phase of life. To fight it would be detrimental to future success and growth.

Well... I can see one of those phases of life on the horizon, and I don't love the idea of having to cross into it. It's the phase where you finally have to be realistic. I don't mean realistic in a way that limits your ambitions and goals, but just a place where you have to consider a life that might not be exactly what you imagined it would be. A place where you finally accept that the things you'd always dreamed would somehow happen might not come true or might not even be the best thing for you.

Does this mean you have to quit pursuing those dreams? I really hope not! However, I do think it means that you begin to open your eyes to other paths that the Lord may want you to travel. If He wants you to accomplish the things you've always dreamed you'd accomplish, then you will! But what if the things you've dreamed of aren't what He really wants for you? What if His plan is SO much better than anything you could imagine?

I think the hardest thing is letting go of the dreams you've had for yourself and releasing them to the Lord. Trusting that His way is best even if it's not what you had always imagined. I think I'm at that point where I have to let go of my dreams and chase Christ! Not give up on my dreams, but just release them to Him. Giving up on my dreams would just be irresponsible, but being willing to give them up if He asks me to is a completely different thing.

I've never given my hopes and dreams and future up to Christ. I've wanted to control it and make sure it happens the way I see it. I mean, I've released small portions of my plans and have taken steps of faith that I wasn't sure would line up with my plans, but I really don't think I've ever said "Lord, whatever you want to do with my life is fine, and I will gladly give up my dreams and desires for You if You want me to." I've been holding on to plans for my life that may not be best for me and that I definitely can't accomplish on my own, and I pray that I get to a place where I can finally place them at the feet of Christ and trust Him to do with them what He desires. Am I willing to let go of my dreams so that His will can be accomplished? I want to be so badly! I know only then can he most effectively use me.

So thats my prayer. To let go. Lord, help me.
Robby